WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
