things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just googled if crying burns calories
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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