your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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