all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
