The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
