I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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