mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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