I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
