Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
