he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
