This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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