My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
