I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm both gender and math confused
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize