walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
