Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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