smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
