They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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