forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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