I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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