I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
