$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
