This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
