they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
