If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
