yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
