By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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