Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
