He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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