Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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