I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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