yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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