So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
