i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
