Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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