Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
