70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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