yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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