why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You can't just leave with hair like that
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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