My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
