You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
