He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
