I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
