Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
