I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
