If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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