is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
