Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
