Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
