so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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