there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
