his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
