My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
