Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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