i barfeds in our rink
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
