Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
