Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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