theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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