we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize