WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
