dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize