I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
