There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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