I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
