i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
