Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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