halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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