Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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