im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
