fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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