Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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