Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
