We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
