I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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