I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
