i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
