Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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