her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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