I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
