Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
