So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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