im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
